WORDS TO LIVE BY

Now I know what many of you were thinkin when I wasn't producing anymore writing masterpieces.
"This Funny guy must not be the phenom that we thought he was. He's just a two hit wonder."
Well I've got news for you idiots. I'm amazing at what I do. I give advice or criticism to people who are in need of it. Example: Midgets and People with small dicks.
I'm already sick and tired of that though. I need to focus on everyone. Not just the nobodies.
So here we go. These are just a few words for everyone to live by:

*IMPORTANT
**NOT IMPORTANT

*If her arms are harrier than her head...DON'T DO HER!

*If the pit area is dry...the shirt's clean.

*Don't drink out of a penis-shaped shot glass if there is mold in it...or even if there is no mold in it.

*If she's bigger than you...enough said.

*It's okay to line jump at Cici's Pizza.

*Stinky feet aren't a turn on...unless you are dating a fat girl.

*If a pull-down is happening right in front of you...embrace it...with a swift kick.

*Nice guys finish last...unless they are running the race of niceness.

*If you fart...blame it on the fat person. If you are the fat person...lose weight until you are the second fattest person.

*Don't quit unless you are about to lose to someone worse than you.

*If you lose, don't give up on yourself because chances are...everyone else already has.

*Don't make fun of midgets.

*If you are about to write a blog...don't read mine first, or you'll know that yours is gonna suck.

*If life hands you lemons...throw them at people who look funny.

*Food and water. (you can't survive without these)

*Treat others the way midgets are treated.

*Good things come to those who wait, but better things come to those who take.

*If she has too much makeup on...she's either hiding something or she's 11.


I know most of you were expecting more...but you are the losers that no one can help, not even me. So for those that will be living by these words, I'm gonna leave you with this.
Life is best lived by being funny and good-looking...so you're fucked.