Baby Dick

Is that a stack of buttons in your pants, or are you just not happy to see me?
That is probably a tough question for any guy to hear from his woman (or his man...depends how you roll). It's a nice way to say..."Hey baby dick, what the hell is wrong with you?" But I have good news for those not so blessed. There are ways to fix that BIG, but oh so tiny problem. It takes commitment. It takes preparation. And most of all...it takes a baby dick. If you are black, get the hell off this website unless you want to make fun of one of your mini corn-dog penis white friends.
This is the motto with girls these days. Once you go white...you go lesbian. Well I want to let you know that I am sick of seeing this happen to such beautiful/ugly people. I'm here to help and I promise you, if you follow my easy steps your once tiny; shriveled up bulldog puppy will grow into the massive elephant that it should be.
1) COMMITMENT:
You must do as many pull-downs as you can per day, without being seen. This last part is important because if you are seen doing the pull-down you will already be thrown into the category of tiny dick. Girls don't need to see what you look like down there if you are stretching in front of them...they've already made their decision to hook up with your friend instead. For those of you who have never heard of the pull-down, let me fill you in. The pull-down is where you grab the end of your dick and pull ever so slightly until it is fully elongated. Again, do this as many times as you can per day, without being seen.
2) PREPARATION:
This is also a very important step in becoming a fully developed male specimen. You must groom yourself, and often. If you get caught in a situation where you are in bed with a woman, and you aren't prepared, then you should probably go ahead and commit suicide because you will be living the life of Elton John from there on out. I recommend taking an electric shaver to the region just under the bellybutton. Then comes the grundle/taint/gouch and balls (least favorite grooming spot for men). This region, which is the most precious part of a man's body, requires a razor. It sounds scary, and trust me it is, but the reward is definitely worth it. Not only does it clean you up so you don't look like Chewbacca, but it also makes your dick look longer than it actually is (also known as an optical illusion).
3) Baby Dick:
If having a baby dick is not a problem for you, then this advice won't help you out one bit. This is a blog for those men who think they are men, but they really have the characteristics of an undeveloped 10 year-old. These little boys have room to improve. This is for the men who dream not only of Genie, but of the day when a woman says, "I'm satisfied!"

In conclusion, life is just a riddle...why not make your riddle about a big penis?